I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
