Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
