I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
