In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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