I wannas sexs uuuuu
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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