This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
