All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
