my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Randomize
