I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
