I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
