My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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