there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
