there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
