How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
