so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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