i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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