Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
