I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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