To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
