went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
