Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
