You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
