ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
