i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
