Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
