There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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