Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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