would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
