there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
