So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
