Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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