Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
