you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
