I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
