I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
