May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Still dying that you shit outside
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
