I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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