I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
