I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
