I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
