I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
