you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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