i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
