he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
