Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
