Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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