It's Friday. Sex?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
