does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
