i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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