Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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